[08/29/25]

 

I miss the mom I never had. I miss the version of her I make up in my head-convincing myself that her emotional neglect was the fault of my own lack of accomplishments. I have spent so long bleeding for her; so often a pathetic attempt at imagining a world where my soul had the possibility of confiding in hers. Her ugly patterns scattered all across my nervous system, leaving scars that still occasionally leak hope for her words. Even after our paths continue to diverge, I yearn- waiting for a parent I've never even met. I know her name, but not the passion behind it. I know her hatred, but not a touch of her empathy. Perhaps she existed somewhere in the underwhelming whispers of "love you" every night before bed. 

 ...

I've tried to message you, but every day without a response is a confirmation you don't exist.