As the Year Ends

 

 

 Recently things have been hard. Its been harder to get out of bed. Harder to make the coffee I would look forward to every morning, find pleasure in picking out a perfume to use, and harder just to get myself dressed to pick out an outfit. Every day that I feel bad I convince myself that I'm not allowed to-people have it worse, and after all, there are things to do. Even now, I could be finishing assignments that are due tomorrow but instead I just sit here idly. At least now I'm writing this, but earlier I spent a good hour and a half just mindlessly scrolling through Netflix to try and find something to watch. 

I wish I would update this blog more often. I wish I would write stories. I wish I would publish papers. No matter how far the hope of my mind extends, it seems as though I'm constrained by a pay-to-win system that I have no chance of winning.

 I cooked dinner today. I worked out today. I even finished an assignment. Those are accomplishments, but all I can think about are the dishes that are piled around the kitchen, the crumbs on the stove, and the dirty laundry piling up in the bedroom. I am so tired.